A lot of things bother me easily but that is just who I am. I am shy. I am loud. I am talkative. I am crazy. No one can change who I was born to be. I am stubborn, determined, modest, naive. Childish, immature, imperfect, funny. Happy, angry, thrilled with life. I am everything you tell me I am and more. I am annoying, I overthink things, easily stressed, easily distracted. I am jealous and spiteful, optimistic, enthusiastic, pessimistic, doubtful. What am I not? Other than mean or coldhearted. I may not be pretty, outgoing or popular. I may not be what is expected of me but at least I am honest, at least I am myself. Is there something wrong with being studious but quiet? What makes that combination a little off? A little boring? A little "vanilla"? A little too.. something. I refuse to hate who I am because I am not that person. I am not the person who will let others bring her down. I don't care if you think I am. I don't care if you think I care. I know I care what others think of me but let's just pretend for the time being that I don't. Don't ask me why but sometimes I leave those conversations feeling like I've let someone down. If I'm really going to stick to my honesty then now is the time when I would say that I hate being shy, I hate being quiet, I hate not being more outgoing. But only because of how people talk about it, as if it's a disease or an awful characteristic. Why? I have friends, and lots of them, and I have family. Or maybe partly because being shy doesn't always feel like me. But that shouldn't matter either. And why should it matter if I have lots of friends? What matters more is that I have the best friends I could ever ask for. I don't care what I have said in the past and what anyone thinks because I know they are better for me than anyone else could be, and we will always stay friends. But having said all that, I am glad I am not part of the "popular" group or whatever you want to call it. I do not choose my friends based on how much they drink, party, smoke, or swear. I don't choose my friends because they are or are not popular, I choose them because I like them and we get along and we look out for each other. I love my friends. I am not jealous of the party crowd because their "friends" are only their friends when the weather is nice and the booze is easily accessible. I am sick of hearing such strange opinions. I disagree. It is not "a shame" that there is a group of kids who are both smart and on the quieter side. Why should that be a problem? I feel like there is always a point I am trying to prove to other people, I feel like other people are always disagreeing with me. But maybe it is just me disagreeing with myself. I know I am wayy too opinionated and take everything personally and it's a little irritating, really. But obviously I am just loving life right now since I am just the girl who likes to be stressed and loves to complain. I am the annoying, shy, stupid, unpretty, unpopular, non-partying, stubborn, immature girl who blogs about her problems instead of solving them. I am also the biggest hypocrite since I just finished saying that I refuse to hate who I am and that I don't care what others think. Good grief. I am being a snarky and sarcastic little chica but I don't care.
