Allow me to be honest. Today was not a good day. In fact, it was a right piece of crap. I don't like pretending that something is good, happy, fine when it's not. Sometimes it's necessary to pretend, but this is a blog, is it not? Why else would I be writing this?
You know those days when everything just goes wrong? Or rather, it feels like it's going wrong even when it's not? Well take that, multiply it by 3, and that is the week I have been having. I wish SO badly that I could be a go-with-the-flow kind of fish, but that really isn't me. I overreact about pretty much everything. Someone once told me that I have really high expectations of people. I rolled my eyes, denied it, and pretended to be really confused. "What are you talking about?!" I said. "I don't even get it!" What bullshit. I completely knew what they were talking about. Yes, if you are reading this, you were right. I expect a lot from people. But a lot of it is not about the other person as much as it is about myself. I am extremely hard on myself. Any little thing that I do wrong is pretty much the end of the world. Maybe that is where my grumpiness sometimes comes from. Sure, life would be easier if I wasn't so hard on myself but then I probably wouldn't be the person I am now. But I have to admit, it would be easier on other people. I don't mean to do this, but sometimes I pick out the flaws in other people because they are the flaws I see in myself. I get frustrated, I get annoyed. Maybe my subconscious is thinking "if you can't fix this about yourself, then maybe you can fix it in someone else". It is ridiculous, it is annoying, and it makes me sound like a bit of a cow. But I can't help who I am or what I think. I guess this is why people tell me I can be a perfectionist. I like things to be a certain way, and when they aren't that way I don't exactly shrug it off. The only good thing I can say about this is, at least I admit it? If all else fails, at least I am honest. To others and to myself.
