This is back to the beginning. It seems to me that life isn't structured the way we see it. It isn't: an event, move forward, an event, move forward, an event, a lesson, move forward, an event a setback, move forward. It's more like I am being thrown all over the place. I take a step forward and another and another, then I dwell in one place for a long time, then I take a step back, then a step forward, then suddenly out of nowhere I find myself back at the very very beginning. It may not feel like childhood, but it feels like a beginning of something. Suddenly I find myself feeling like I have made no progress and it dawns on me that it's foolish of us to measure time or progress, or to measure anything as abstract as the two, because these things can't really be measured. Who created these definitions and standards that we live by? Who even decided that we can measure progress? Anything can be seen as a step backwards by someone who doesn't believe in you or in whatever it is that you've been dedicating time to. And again, anything can be seen as a huge leap forward by anyone who feels strongly about your work. But that doesn't really mean anything, that's just one person's opinion. And why should their opinion have any validity? If anything it should be your own opinion that counts, but even that seems weak in the bigger picture. So whether or not I have taken a step forward or backwards, I don't think it matters. It feels backwards to me but some might say to have realized how pointless it is to measure progress of any kind is a huge step in the right direction.
