I am so angry! I can't handle this completely fucked up bullshit! The injustice in this world makes my blood boil. Words are never enough. The english language continues to fail me. Words have the potential to mean so much and yet when I need them the most they fail me. I want to put into words how I feel and yet I can't.
What is worse is that it's so tempting to post it on facebook or twitter but I have two problems with doing so. One, is that I am only contributing to our technological world and to the many problems that social networking sites have created. Two, there is suddenly such a vast amount of opinionated people out there who all have something shitty to say about others, and many of these people are commenting that people only care now because she's dead, that people are just trying to reconcile themselves by being nice now, that the outpouring of grief is somehow not right because it has happened too late and she's gone already.
The fact that there are so many opinions being thrown around makes it difficult for me to formulate an opinion on any of this and instead all I can feel is raw emotion that is preventing me from doing anything. I've spent the past 3 days trying to distract myself from this, I have done no homework and I feel like I'm not justified in complaining when I'm obviously one the least affected people by this loss. I can't imagine what her parents are dealing with, I'm still outraged that anybody could say this is simple, I wish for her parents sake that things weren't so complicated. The newspapers have been publishing information that her mother quite specifically asked them not to publish.
This is huge. People are saying, why is her death getting so much attention when other people have committed suicide and it didn't evoke this kind of a response. It makes it harder, it makes my emotions even more conflicted. It makes me question so much. What if I'm not really a good person, am I just upset by this because my conscious needs to feel reconciled? I don't know what the reason is but all I know is that something about her death is causing a very intense reaction in me, and whether or not I am justified to feel this way I am seriously depressed about this.
