december sixth

I am the biggest nerd in the world. I am actually excited to write my research paper for english. Is there something wrong with me?!? Pretty much, yup. I started out with the topic how women are portrayed in the media then I changed it to drug use in the downtown eastside because we all know how happy and fun that is to research. Then I was procrastinating and was looking up quotes by Audrey Hepburn because someone had posted one on facebook that I really liked. Then that lead me to look up quotes by Marilyn Monroe. Her quotes struck me as surprisingly sad. Suddenly I got really fascinated by her and her life. So that is my new topic. And I am excited to learn! There is obviously so much information about her so that makes it easier, plus I just feel like I have a lot to say. She is really interesting in so many ways: the way she was used by her many husbands, and how she didn't feel like she was pretty or like she even deserved her stardom. She was insecure. She also seemed quite sad. It's odd to me because usually when I think of movie stars (sort of stereotypical) I think of them as being at least somewhat happy, confident and self-assured. And yet something about Marilyn is sad, or empty, or just lacking. Not lacking in personality, she definitely had lots of that! But what I mean is something lacking in her life that caused her to seem that way. One quote in particular made me want to cry (maybe it's just my mood?). She said "I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else". That quote haunts me a little bit. Maybe I am just weird. But she was such an amazing person and was so beautiful I am just shocked that she didn't know it. Then there is the whole mystery of her death. Did she really commit suicide? To some, she seemed too happy to have done it. But to others, like me, she seemed sad. It's possible. But it's so hard to know for sure. I wish I could have just read her mind and known what she was thinking. I want to know what she thought all those times she was smiling for photographs and interviews for the press. I imagine she thought"how long can I fake this". Now I'm just making assumptions. I wish I could actually know.