I know I just did a post but..

Apparently I have more left to say. I am scared. I'm so very scared of life. I don't know what I want to do, I have no direction. I have no actual realistic and useful goals. My goals are all about travel and nothing else. I want to travel, but what about a degree? What about a career? I feel like I just have all of this creative energy and spirit that I need to burn up. I don't know what I want to do but it's in me, it's there, and I feel inspired to use it. Sometimes I wish I could just pick up and move, create a new life in a completely different city. I don't want the structure of goals and deadlines, of programs and schooling and degrees and careers. I want to float along, I want to live through my heart and my spirit, not through my mind. What is living, really? There has to be more to life than just paying the bills. I want to know what my reason for living is. What my "purpose" is. A part of me feels like travelling will help me discover that purpose, but I guess I won't know until I've done it. I don't want to live my life in a monotonous way, and when I've reached old age turn around and look back, look at my life as a long road behind me and wonder what I've done. I don't want to have to ask myself "what was my purpose" I want to just know. I want it to be so strikingly obvious that it blinds me, hits me in the side of the head, knocks the wind out of me. I want to fully live, not just breathe air and blink and wander around with a fancy purse and a couple of kids and a dog and a husband and a nice car. I don't care about the material, I want the experience, and the spirit, and the life. I know kids is part of it, but what else? what comes before that? I guess there's only one way to find out.